Feminism, in its best instances, is a burning prison: an insistence that life can be worth living and that every person’s pleasure matters. It is, too, the practices that make life livable, wresting care free from the market; freely distributing bread, roses, and hormones; desegregating the generations; bailing mamas out of detention; disempowering rapists in kin networks, churches, and social centers; and expropriating golf courses in order to open spaces of erotic (not necessarily sexual—but also sexual!) encounter. Feminism sometimes flashes an unlit pathway toward a world without whiteness or colonizers. In these moments, it’s an insurrection halting family policing, forced gestating, and every other reproductive injustice.
Sophie Lewis, Enemy Feminisms
Intro: Engaging with Feminism as a Cis Man
I am inclined to think that these men act purely out of a selfish desire to claim women as private property. Were it not so, why would a woman’s reputation, good or bad, have anything whatsoever to do with them? The men’s original intention is not to liberate women but to treat them as private property. In the past when traditional rituals prevailed, men tried to distinguish themselves by confining women in the boudoir; when the tides turn (…) they attempt to acquire distinction by promoting women’s liberation. This is what I call men’s pursuit of self distinction in the name of women’s liberation.[1]
He-Yin Zhen, written in 1907
Over a century later, the sentiment expressed in these words from He-Yin Zhen – one of the most important figure of both early Chinese anarchism and feminism – remains strongly relevant because it emphasizes the inherent risk of letting men take part in and talk about about women’s liberation. Despite the fact this critique of progressive Chinese men of her time couldn’t be further away from my own context as a cis man living in Europe in 2025, it mirrors the endless frustrations of many feminists I have heard about in my own life. And I thought it was a good starting point for introducing my own thoughts on this wideranging topic, since I am myself part of the class of oppressors in this patriarchal system.
As I’ve said in the past, these texts/extended notes are for me as much if not more an opportunity for self-clarification and outlining my own ideas and beliefs, as sharing with others a perspective that might be useful for them. So while I would of course be glad if anyone reading this finds it valuable, it’s important to state from the start that I don’t consider this a public intervention but at most a personal attempt to come to terms with this brutal system and my own positionality in it, which might be relevant for other cis men who want to betray our gender. More importantly, I don’t claim any orginality in the analysis itself, which is fully based on my readings of and interactions with various cis and trans women talking about patriarchy, gender and transmisogyny.
What is perhaps my own contribution here is that I want to tackle what it means to engage with feminism as a cis man and the concrete socio-political implications. Obviously, instead of this the main thing feminists are concerned about in the context of patriarchy is how to stay safe from men’s violence and fight back for total liberation from this horrible system. This is even more true for lesbians and trans women who are not even included in the heterosexual regime (including trans women attracted to men) but constantly struggling to survive the brutality of this society. Moreover, the vast majority of cis men – including on “the left” – have absolutely no desire to engage with feminists seriously nor embrace the process of losing their power as a dominant class.
So for good reasons women and feminists have very little time for this kind of topic; it would be like asking Amazon workers to take time out of their day to think about the feelings of Jeff Bezos, or for Indigenous people in North America and Palestine to have to take care of settlers’ egos/emotions when they fight back against colonial brutality[1]. In all three cases the answer to the question of how oppressors can support liberation is also very straightforward (so that an explanation is barely needed), yet very rarely embraced by the latter: betray your own class/camp of oppressors, accept losing the power you have over others, and concretely support their struggle(s).
Oppressors refuse to do so because it’s against their interests, so like He-Yin Zhen hinted at even when men claim to be “progressive/leftist” or more “enlightened” than the rest all they do is ask themselves and their victims: “what can I do to retain my privileges and not overthrow this social relation, while getting the social distinction of pretending to care?”.
The purpose of this text is therefore first to outline my understanding of patriarchy, gender and cisness and secondly, to tackle the topic of Manhood and how instead of trying to salvage it, pro-feminist cis men should accept the necessity of its destruction by betraying our own class/gender and embracing disempowerment. I’m also aware of the limitations in terms of the international scope (and Eurocentrism) of my analytical lense, because up to this point I have mostly been able to study the gender system in/of the West. That being said, I do think that partly because of the West’s colonial influence – see: María Lugones, Jules Falquet, Nsámbu Za Suékama in the readings/references list – the fundamentals of patriarchy, cisness and heterosexuality are globalized.
As the last disclaimer, I want to finally add that I am specifically talking about patriarchal Manhood, which I’ll describe more below, rather than masculinity in a broader/looser sense. I will briefly mention trans men and their positionality within the patriarchal social order, as well as the complicated issue of not emulating Manhood, but for the most part I am not talking about marginalized forms of masculinity such as theirs or those of masculine women or other gender-nonconforming people. Like Lee Cicuta explained here, masculinity is a continuously contested territory:
Patriarchy attempts to enclose masculinity, rigidly define it, tie it to domination and control, and punishes all unsanctioned expressions of it. This capture is not inherent nor is it complete. Trans and gnc people have been undermining that project since it began! Many (…) positions (…) take for granted that masculinity is a real and consistently definable phenomena: invented, made material, and defined by patriarchy alone. They assume that patriarchy’s word on masculinity has been the only real word, cis men’s understanding of it the only real understanding of it, its deployment in rigid gender roles its only possible manifestation. Cis men have been at the wheels of centralized power and thus have had more means to make their own voices drown out the rest of us, but subversive masculinities have always been here, have always been a threat to the patriarchal narrative.
Before getting into it all, I want to mention and thank here some of the women and genderqueer/non-binary persons that have influenced me, although it’s impossible to be exhaustive. I cannot recommend reading them enough, their perspective is far more important/valuable than mine!
I’ve also added links to their GFMs or other ways to support them financially. Please donate if you can!
- Talia Bhatt
- Mia Wong
- May Peterson [link to support May]
- Mallory Moore
- narcissus
- Sophie Lewis
- hari calico (bloomfilters)
- Julia Serano [link to support Julia]
- Beth aka Without History
- Charlotte Séverine and Joy Kraehenhez Böhm [support their move here; Paypal link]
- Béné aka La femme-pastèque
- Gwen Pallarès
- Lee Cicuta [link to support Lee]
- Jules Falquet
- Colette Guillaumin (R.I.P.)
Thank you so much for opening my eyes on so many things, I love you all deeply ❤️❤️
[1] He-Yin Zhen (1907) “On the Question of Women’s Liberation,” translated in Lydia, H. Liu, Rebecca E. Karl & Dorothy Ko (Eds.) (2013) The Birth of Chinese Feminism: Essential Texts in Transnational Theory, New York, Columbia University Press, p. 60.
[2] Unfortunately in that latter case it’s often what happens!
Here is the full PDF: Down With The Cisness Betrayal To Manhood is Loyalty to Humanity
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